Forget Your Worries

Because writing doesn’t pay well, I am considering a new business venture. A worrier of longstanding, I will heretofore be known as a “Professional Worry Wart.” For a reasonable fee, you can hire me to do your worrying. With my years of experience, I can assure that my services will accomplish at least as much as your own efforts, while sparing you the  psychological and physiological effects of the process. 

Let a professional do the work. Think of all the time you’ll save and the sleep you’ll gain. You name it, I can worry about it—finances, health, marital problems, ungrateful children, difficult in-laws, aging, Covid, the election.

I used to perform this service free gratis, but studies have shown better results with financial investment. The fee depends on which type of worrying you want: 

1. generic worry
2. rumination (my specialty)
3. night-time worry
4. brooding
5. nail-biting
6. worry-sick (The cost for this type is prohibitive because I must be highly compensated to ruin my health for your problems. But, money talks. If the price is right we might work something out.)  

Call today and sleep tonight!