Thursday, May 6, 2021

Boomer Fads

 


Let's start with the fifties. 

    Contrary to popular belief, we didn't wear saddle shoes and poodle skirts in the mid and late fifties. We did wear bobby socks, most often with white Keds. To clean the shoes (never washed in the machine) we used white shoe polish! Although our skirts didn't usually sport a poodle, circle skirts with scratchy crinolines underneath were popular–the more pouf the better. These came in handy if the teacher was handing out "swats".  And, yes, I did get a few with a wooden paddle–most often administered by the male teachers. 
    I, like most of the girls, wore a ponytail with side bangs and "spit curls''. These curls, right under the temple, were formed with bobby pins or clippies. In a pinch, we used (you probably guessed it) spit.
     Hula hoops were a major fad that I embraced fully. I mastered the art and was able to start at my neck, keep it spinning down to my waist, up and down my arms, and finally to my hips. 
     I had lots of pop-beads. My grandpa gave me a strand of pink ones the day I came home from camp. I think they might still be in my old jewelry box. 
 
Moving on to the sixties.

    I started high school in 1960 and finished college in 1968. You might say that I grew up in the fifties and came of age in the sixties. 
    "Going steady" was sixties version of what my grandchildren call "dating." To mark this commitment, we wore our boyfriend's initial ring, around which we wrapped multiple layers of angora thread or adhesive tape covered with nail polish. Either of these left a large wad on the inside of the ring finger–the bigger the better. When the relationship ended, as they most often did, we had to cut the tape or string off with a razor blade.
    Two of my favorite pastimes in high school were TP-ing and bushwhacking. To TP a house, we chose a target, usually a friend, sometimes an enemy, and collected TP for a week or so. Late on a weekend night (curfew allowing), we would sneak up to the house, roll the paper around and over, throw it up in the trees and all around the bushes. The more rolls used, the better the job.    
     Bushwhacking involved surprising couples on lovers' lane with lights and horns. One of our guy friends, Nick Podoba, actually had a blue police light that he stuck on the top of his car! Illegal, I'm sure. I'm surprised we didn't get arrested or killed by some angry, interrupted lovers. Can you say,  coitus interruptus😁 Although in those days most of the kids were just making out not doing the dirty deed.
    On to college, where–being a fashionista–I was all into the fashion fads. I loved white go-go boots and mini-dresses. One of my favorites was a Courrege-style color-block dress with white leather boots. I think my future husband liked that one, too.
    Panty-raids were a big deal on campus. Frat boys (at MacMurray one of the men's dorms) would somehow gain entrance to a women's dorm, run frantically into the rooms, tearing open drawers, and snatching what were then called unmentionables. This, of course, was a clandestine activity that could lead to punishment for the participants, who usually wore face coverings. Once, when my roommate and I had a first-floor room in Jane Hall, Blackstock guys chose our window as an entry point–a total surprise to us! We were in bed, curlers in hair, when they threw up the sash causing me to wet my pants.😱
    As a lifeguard and swimmer, I spent lots of time at the pool during my high school and college years. Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikinis may have been popular on the West Coast, but the fad was a little slower coming to the Midwest. I had a few two-piece suits that came just below the navel. Regardless of what I had on my body, I wore a colored swim cap heavily adorned with flowers. These fashion statements did nothing to keep hair dry for us serious swimmers. I even wore one in diving competitions and, of course, for synchronized swimming shows.
    These are some of the fads that I embraced. What about you?

Friday, March 5, 2021

Never Ending Love

Family–where life begins and love never ends.

 I have been so blessed to love and be loved throughout my seventy-four years. I was surrounded with love from the day I was born from my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and, of course, my husband. When I'm overcome with sadness and missing my family, it helps to remember that their love has made me who I am and will forever be a part of me even though we have been parted temporarily by death. Listen to the words of this song and I guarantee that your spirits will be lifted as you are reminded that "all the love is still inside."


Wednesday, February 17, 2021

Desperately Seeking Connection

 God created us for relationship with Him and with other human beings. Even the avowed introvert (like me) needs friends, community, and meaningful interaction. While on-line ministry enables us to pray for one another across distances, nothing can replace face-to-face connection–an element sadly missing in today's world.

Fifty years ago we were connected geographically to friends and family. Our relatives lived within traveling–often walking–distance. Our churches and schools and businesses were in our neighborhoods, but as travel became easier and cheaper, our world expanded. Educational and job opportunities carried us far from our roots. As families were separated by long distances, maintaining connection became more difficult. Still, before the advent of the computer and the world wide web, we kept in touch by telephone and snail-mail.

 

Modern technology for all of its benefits has caused more isolation. Texting and messaging, while facilitating information exchange, actually impede meaningful communication.  Social media is but a feeble attempt to remedy the disconnect many feel. We acquire hundreds of "friends" who wouldn't know us if they passed us on the street. Meaningful conversation has been replaced by superficial exchanges masquerading as communication. Instead of, "What are you thinking? What do you believe? Who are you?", we ask, "What are you doing? Who are you with? What are you eating?”


Even before 2020, we were desperately seeking connection but the covid pandemic has intensified our need. Finding a small group–a Bible study, a friend group, support group, or shepherding group–even if it must be on Zoom–can meet this need. Real communication involves truths--getting beyond the veneers and facades to a level where we share our basic humanity.

Thursday, January 7, 2021

What-ifs and If-onlys and Even-if



Right now many of us are plagued by what-ifs–borrowing trouble, worrying about the future, catastrophizing. What if schools never reopen? What if I lose my job? What if theaters and sports venues never open? What if the economy doesn't recover?

Shel Silverstein one of my favorite poet-philosophers so aptly describes this phenomenon:



"Last night while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear.
And danced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song."

Or maybe you're troubled by the if-onlys–should've, would've, could've thinking.  If-only I had kept that mammogram appointment. If-only I had never smoked.  If-only I had listened to my mother. This frame of mind is common during the grieving process. If-only I had spent more time with him. If-only I had taken her for that appointment. If-only I had been kinder.

What-ifs and if-onlys are both a waste of time and energy. What's done is done; we can't change the past. And we have no control over what will happen tomorrow. They are flip sides of the same coin and indicate a lack of trust in God.

I admit, some days the What-ifs and If-onlys crawl inside my ears.  "If-only" Jim hadn't died. "What-if" I develop dementia? "What-if" I run out of money?

Are you plagued by the If-onlys or What-ifs? Ask God to help you live in the present, not lamenting the past or fearing the future. When you are doubting God, remember that "Even-if" He doesn't answer our prayers immediately, we must trust that He is able.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

2020–A Good Year for Bibliomanics

 "It's an ill wind that blows nobody good." Sir Walter Scott


 Yes, I am a bibliomaniac. I once said that if I were ever held hostage I hoped it would be in a bookstore. Now I am held hostage by the Covid epidemic, but I'm not in a bookstore!

We bibliomaniacs–especially those who also suffer from abibliophobia–have fared better than most during the shelter at home directives. At last, we who have been criticized for the stacks of unread books accumulating in every corner and at our bedsides have been vindicated!

Here are my favorites from 2020 with ratings but no reviews.


The Book of Lost Friends-Lisa Wingate  *****
The Child on Platform One-Gill Thompson *****
28 Summers-Elin Hildebrand ****
Big Lies in a Small Town-Diane Chamberlain ****
The Book of Lost Names-Kristin Harmel *****
The Last Flight-Julie Clark****
A Time for Mercy-John Grisham *****
If I Were You-Lynn Austin **** 
Florence Adler Swims Forever- Rachel Beanland ****
Regretting You-Colleen Hoover ****
White Ivy-Susie Wang ****
American Dirt-Jeanine Cummins *****
Harbinger II:  The Return-Jonathan Cahn *****

 


Thursday, June 18, 2020

When Facebook Becomes Toxic

I like Facebook. At best, it is a marvelous marketing tool and a connector of people with similar interests. I love keeping up with friends, seeing pictures of old schoolmates, and hearing about the activities of far-off relatives. I get new recipes, healthy living tips, and book recommendations. During this pandemic, particularly, it provides a connection that helps me feel less isolated. 

At worst, it is a colossal waste of time, a tool for procrastination, and a source of tremendous stress. Facebook exposure can even lead to a newly identified malady—Facebook depression. Although unrecognized by the American Psychological Association :),  the Urban Dictionary defines it thus:

“When you're on Facebook and see your friends looking like they're living amazing lives while you're feeling like you're just barely making it and you become sadder and sadder with each update you see.”

Facebook provides a digital replacement for the much-maligned, often ridiculed, stereotypical Christmas newsletter. You know the kind:
 
We had to cut our trip to Rome short to make it home in time for little John’s graduation from Harvard. Hard to believe he’s our third to graduate magna cum laude from an Ivy League school. Deidre is enjoying married life and so grateful that she can be a stay at home mom since Gottfried sold the business to Dell last year. Both of the grandchildren will be in camps this summer—Hermione at Interlochen and Sebastian at the Duke Early Talent Identification Program. You may have read about Oliver’s grant for cancer research. We’re so proud of him. Just hoping they can all find time to visit us in the Hamptons this summer.


If your mood takes a plummet after a stint on FB, you might try:

1. Limiting your exposure. Facebook can be addictive. You don’t need to get on every day. Try every other day or once a week or you might even consider abstinence.

2. Clean out your friend list. If there are particular people whose posts rub you the wrong way, temporarily block them. The gag reflex is a good measure of which friends should go.

3. Find some new “friends.” Search for pages that have a positive effect. 

4. Don’t feel guilty if reading about others’ good fortune is difficult. There are times when you have to protect yourself by separating from anything or anyone who brings you down—intentionally or more often, thoughtlessly.

Thursday, May 14, 2020

Facing the New Normal




All of us are facing a new normal, and adjusting to a new normal requires resilience. 

Over our long journey with lung cancer, I came to know many survivors and co-survivors (caregivers). Those in both categories who survived well shared certain qualities, the most important of which is resilience—the ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy. 

After adjusting to a new normal following my husband's terminal cancer diagnosis and another new normal after his death, I thought I was fairly resilient. But the circumstances we are facing now may be the straw that breaks this camel's back. I feel about as likely to bounce back as that deflated soccer ball.

 Some lucky people have built-in resilience from innate personality traits or learned belief systems. But what if you’re not one of them? Is it possible to develop resilience? I believe it is. And right now is a perfect time to work on it.


Five Steps to Greater Resilience

1. Release. Admit you are powerless. 

2. Reframe. Psychologists call this step restructuring your cognitions. Build positive emotions. Search for meaning in your suffering. Practice gratitude. Exercise benefit finding—the ability to find positive meaning in a traumatic life event. 

3. Reprioritize. Often this happens with no effort on your part. Sometimes with the onset of catastrophic illness or dramatic life change, your priorities automatically realign. Your circumstances offer you a new look at what is important. Others need to make a conscious effort to regroup. 

4. Reconnect—spiritually and relationally. Restore and strengthen family relationships. Strong support systems are crucial to adjustment. More importantly, this is the time to make friends with God.  

5. Recharge. Rest. Relax. Be kind to yourself. Nearly everyone is experiencing real loss with the epidemic–not just loss of life and livelihood but loss of activities and events that brought us great pleasure. Allow yourself to grieve and give vent to your very real emotions. 



Build your resilience now because as things re-open and the quarantine ends, we will face yet another new normal.


Monday, May 4, 2020

Axioms, Aphorisms, and Adages



Living in a multi-generational household, I grew up on a steady diet of proverbial sayings. Until I was an adult, I attributed most of them to my grandmother, never realizing that many of the truisms had been passed down for generations–some even originating in the Old Testament.

Before my mother died in 2008, my daughters and I asked her to write down as many of my grandma's "sayings" as she could remember. She gladly complied, leaving us with a four-page treasure in her own handwriting.

I have continued to share the wisdom gained at my grandma's knee with my own grandchildren and now I want to share bits of it with you. Let's start with one of my absolute favorites:

"'Everyone to their own notion,' said the old lady when she kissed the cow." This Wellerism is a humorous twist on the French proverb, "Chacun on son gous" or "Each to his own taste."

When I was in Europe a few years ago, I couldn't resist this opportunity. As they say, "A picture's worth a thousand words."

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Life Lessons I've Learned from My Cat



  1. Not everyone is going to like you. Who cares?
  2. Mother was wrong. It’s better not to clean your plate.
  3. Take a bath every day. Pay special attention to your ears and private parts.
  4. Never beg. It is demeaning. 
  5. Don’t accept some else’s leftovers. This applies to all areas of life.
  6. Don’t perform on demand. You are  not a trained monkey.
  7. Be discerning in your friendships.
  8. It’s O.K. to be an introvert. 
  9. Stretching is good for the body. 
  10. Solitude is good for the soul.
  11. Nap—preferably in the sunshine. 
  12. Choose your own path. Don’t let anyone put a leash around your neck.
  13. Tidy up after yourself when you use the bathroom.
  14. Look before you leap. No one really has nine lives.
  15. Be playful.
  16. Live in the present.  
  17. Cuddle with someone you love.
  18. Don’t look for a fight but defend your territory if need be.
  19. Avoid noise and confusion.
  20. Eat, sleep, play, love. It’s enough

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Twenty-five Mood Altering Movies

The corona virus is no laughing matter, but during this pandemic, laughing matters. Laughter reduces stress, improves memory, lowers cortisol, triggers the release of endorphins, and boosts T-cells. And it's free! Make laughter part of your daily routine. Turn off the news, get off Facebook, and try losing yourself in some of these movies. These are some of my old favorites. If your favorite isn't on the list, add it in a comment below.

Twenty-five Mood Altering Movies

When Harry Met Sally
Bringing Up Baby
Forget Paris
Meet the Parents
Zoolander
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Napoleon Dynamite
Little Miss Sunshine
City Slickers
A League of Their Own
As Good As It Gets
You’ve Got Mail
Analyze This
Private Benjamin
Tootsie 
Airplane
Nine to Five
Raising Arizona
Big
The Goodbye Girl
The In-laws (1979)
Father of the Bride (original and remake)
Some Like It Hot
Arsenic and Old Lace
Talladega Nights

Monday, March 9, 2020

All I Need

When you come to the place that I'm all you have,
you will find I'm all you need.


What do you need to be happy? During our marriage when we faced difficulties or disappointments, we  would sometimes say, "At least we have our health." After cancer struck, the mantra became, "At least we have each other." With Jim's death, I can no longer find consolation in that rationale. Good health and a loving spouse are wonderful things to have but like any of God's gifts, they can be taken away. The only thing that cannot be taken from us is our relationship with Christ. 

Not that everything has been taken from me; I have so much to be thankful for. But at my low points, the loss is crushing. I know that  many of you are heavy-burdened today. I hope this song is a comfort to you as it has been to me as I learn to live without Jim.

To Listen, click on the hi-lighted title below:
All I Need

Friday, February 21, 2020

Conquering the Crisis Eater


Stress is not good for cancer patients; stress is not good for cancer caregivers; stress is not good for anyone. Does stress cause cancer? Many physicians say "no." I say "most likely."

The physiological effects of psychological stress are inarguable. Stress leads to the release of noradrenaline and cortisol which disturb the balance of immune cells and leave the body defenseless against the onslaught of disease.

In my younger days, I was a crisis eater. I thrived on a life with multiple stressors and performed at peak capacity in the midst of a crisis. I not only coped, I thrived. I loved competition, deadlines, performances, tight schedules, and high stakes. Tsunami, terrorist threat, avalanche–I welcomed the excitement. A steady diet of crises provided a high that became addictive. If I didn't feed the beast, life was dull and boring.

I didn't go out of my way to create drama but when it came my way, I responded to the knock. When others caved in, I propped them up and persevered with inexplicable energy.

In my golden years, not so much. I still rally to the battle call but the battle leaves me depleted and often defeated. The adrenaline rush that was so invigorating twenty years ago is now enervating. What used to be stimulating has become exhausting. What lit my fire at thirty-five caused burn out at sixty-five.

God, the Great Physician and Premier Psychologist tells us in His instruction book that stress is not good for us.  Cease striving. Rest in me. Don't worry. And I will give you peace.

Before you can remove the stress from your life you must see the value in doing so. I don't know why it took me so long, but this crisis eater is finally ready for a change in diet. Turmoil, stress, and worry are still on the menu, but I'm going for the healthier options-–serenity, peace, and quiet.

5 Ways to Remove Stress


1. Change your attitude. Yes, It's possible.
2. Exercise. Try yoga.
3. "Be still and know that He is God."
4. Eliminate stressors where possible.
5. Stop striving. Life isn't a contest.

Saturday, January 25, 2020

MIss Maven's Favorite Books 2019



I have read several of W.K. Kreuger's books and this is the best yet. Kreuger is a master storyteller who is able to bring life to historical fiction through his expert character development. The story has it all: adventure, mystery, love, coming-of-age and more.



Some of the members of my book club found this depressing but I thought it was encouraging. I would call it a self-help book for women over 55.
I'm a big fan of Jojo Moyes and this is the best yet.








Very entertaining! The opening of a new school for the gifted in an affluent Colorado community causes pressures and conflict among a close-knit group of friends. This book reminds me of "Big Little Lies."









A story of family, war, and love.  I love stories about WWII and this one is excellent.









I fell in love with Anne Lamott years ago when I read "Bird by Bird." This book–though a bit disjointed–is loaded with wisdom and wit, typical of the author.






I liked this better than the much acclaimed "Nightingale." The Allbright family moves to Alaska in 1974 after the father's return from the Vietnam War as a POW.








If you are looking for a light but entertaining read, this fits the bill.




Thursday, January 23, 2020

Sing Your Way to Health

I am a singer. This is not an appraisal of my ability or a fact about my profession but rather a description of my nature. Although none of my immediate family was musical, my grandparents hailed from Wales, the “land of song,” where–according to my grandmother– everyone could sing. She said that before I could talk or walk, I hummed with her when she sang me lullabies. 

Singing makes me happy but I didn’t know that it also makes me healthy. Recent studies have shown that singing has psychological and physiological benefits that help people cope with cancer. Researchers looked at a small group of cancer survivors who participated in choir singing for a period of 3 months. During that period survivors noted an improvement in:

• Vitality
• Social functioning 
• Mental health
• Bodily pain

Survivors who participated also had a trend toward less anxiety and depression and improved lung function. Singing can have the same benefits as exercise—a release of endorphins resulting in stress reduction. Additionally, if you employ correct breathing techniques, you have the benefit of increased lung capacity. You can enjoy these benefits even if you sing alone—though group singing has the advantage of increased social interaction.

If you like to sing, look for opportunities to join a group—a church or community choir, Sweet Adelines or Barbershop Harmony Society. How about taking some voice lessons that you never had time for when you were younger? Not ready for the big time? Turn on the radio and sing your heart out in the privacy of your car. 

“Remember if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a song. Sing out loud. Sing out strong.” 


Friday, January 10, 2020

In Other Words

My Favorite Reference Book, in other words, My Esteemed, Beloved, Cherished Tome of Synonyms and Alterative Verbiage






In 1962 my mother presented me with a book that was to remain my faithful companion for over fifty years. It was then that my life-long love affair with words began. As a sophomore in high school, using the book, I wrote a winning essay for The Veterans of Foreign Wars. When I mispronounced several words as I read my entry aloud at the awards banquet, I’m sure the members thought someone else had written the essay. The voice was mine but the words were Roget’s; the meanings I knew, the pronunciations—not so much. 
Today the battered book sits close to my computer within easy reach as I spend an inordinate amount of time looking for exactly the right word for an article. I’ve tried to replace the dilapidated original with newer versions claiming to be user-friendly and updated. Rodale's, Synonym Finder, Webster’s, Oxford, and–perish the thought thesaurus.com.  Flirting with these impostors proved to me that new isn’t always better. All proved to be poor substitutes for my first love. Forsaking all others, my loyalty lies with Roget.

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Too Much of a Good Thing



I enter the New Year, like many of you, resolved to exercise faithfully, eliminate sugar and processed foods, drink more water, reduce stress, and consume more fruits and vegetables–all in an attempt to heal and prevent disease, maximize energy, retard aging, maintain mobility, and preserve mental acuity–a commendable, if overly ambitious list.

A cautionary word from Aristotle for those who, like me, have a tendency toward over-doing a good thing: All things in moderation.

Long before Jim was diagnosed with lung cancer, I was concerned with a healthy lifestyle for me and my family. My kids were eating whole grains when their classmates lunched on baloney and Wonder Bread sandwiches. I started yoga in 1973 when  Lilias brought the foreign practice into my Midwest living room via PBS. 

When I became a cancer caregiver, healthy living became even more a priority. I wanted to do everything I could to aid in Jim's cancer recovery and prevent a recurrence when he was in remission. Over our 16-year cancer journey, I made additions to and revisions of our health plan which, I believe, contributed to Jim's survival and my over-all health. But have I gone overboard?

The Bible tells us:

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Are we not to take care of our bodies so that we can better accomplish God's purpose for us?

Of course, we are. The problem arises when we become consumed with what we consume. The national preoccupation with health is leading to orthorexia, an obsessive preoccupation with avoiding foods deemed unhealthy and dietary restriction of such "impure" foods. Healthy eating has for some become a religion complete with dietary laws as rigid as those in the Old Testament.

Ironically, when we become obsessed with what goes into our bodies, our focus moves away from the ultimate source of energy and power–God. In our quest for the formula that will cure all our ills, we overlook the most crucial element–the power of the Holy Spirit. Through the Spirit, God provides peace to the stressed, strength to the weak, energy to the weary, healing to the sick, and renewal of spirit and body–far superior to the benefits of power smoothies.

As you make your resolutions for the upcoming year, be sure to put God in the number one spot. Bypass the eight glasses of purified water and drink from the well that never goes dry.

"But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life" (John 4:14).


Saturday, December 7, 2019

Miss Mave's Faves –Christmas Gifts

It's the time of year for giving and getting, time for me to share some of my favorite gifts and, perhaps, give you some ideas for the people on your list.

This painting by Kathleen Campbell Kizer was the last Christmas present from my husband, chosen because he knew how I love birds and music. The artist puts an appropriate scripture on the back of her paintings. This one is Psalm 96:1–Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth.
I'm glad Jim lived long enough to see it proudly displayed in our new home.
KCK's paintings are available at Chestnut Hall in Germantown, TN


This gift from my niece is perfect for the bookworm on your list. I'm shown here wearing it to where else but Book Club? It features a partly redacted list of titles that have been banned at some time in countries around the world. I don't know where she bought it but they have many similar to this at Storiarts.com.



Another favorite gift from my niece, writing gloves for the writer or for anyone who loves books. As soon as the temperature drops, I don these to keep my pattycakes warm while churning out masterpieces. These are Black Beauty (no longer available) but storiarts.com has lots of others.







My guard-dog, Mortimer. He is wearing his Christmas bow today but he has collars for all seasons and holidays. Faux boxwood garden dogs can be purchased at grandinroad.com.







Gifts for the yogi in your life.
I have practiced yoga off and on for 50 years! Currently, I try to attend classes three times a week. In the last year, my wrists and hands have bothered me–too many planks and down dogs–until I discovered WAGS Wrist Assured Gel Padded Gloves. Pricy but worth every dollar! (available on Amazon)





My best ever yoga mat carrier and I've tried several over the years. Available on Amazon.

Boence Yoga Mat Bag, Full Zip Exercise Yoga Mat Sling Bag with Sturdy Canvas, Smooth Zippers, Adjustable Strap, Large Functional Storage Pockets





This is the perfect gift for your friends and family members over 55. It is absolutely the best book I've ever read on growing older. To learn more, scroll down to my older posts: August 31 "My Favorite Summer Read"



















Wednesday, November 27, 2019

The Empty Seat at the Thanksgiving Table

     Last year, five months after Jim's death, I stumbled through Thanksgiving just as I  had stumbled through the previous months. We–the kids, grandkids and I–had dinner in our new home, but I did nothing in the way of preparation. This year, I decided to jump in and return to making our traditional fare. I'm in much better shape than a year ago, so I thought I could handle it. Maybe I thought wrong. 
     Everything–from going through my holiday recipes, to shopping, and to cooking–has brought on a flood of emotions.
     When I forgot, as always, a few things on my list and had to drive back to Kroger, fighting the lines of shoppers, I remembered the man who always made those return trips. Bringing in the groceries and putting them away, lifting the hefty iron skillet, reaching serving dishes and seldom-used appliances from the top shelves, washing pots and pans as I cooked–all of these were Jim's jobs. And he did them cheerfully, never complaining. 

     Most of all, I missed him sitting in the kitchen by the fire, while I chopped, and stirred, and cooked, and sang "Home for the Holidays."

Thanksgiving 2017      Little did I know this would be our very last together.




My mom and daughter made the table decorations
when Ashleigh was 8.

     As I cook this year, there are reminders everywhere of Thanksgivings past. I used the stirring spoon that belonged to Jim's beloved Nana James and my MomBea's favorite roasting pan, both of which must be at least 75 years old. 

Nana's spoon is worn on the edges
from stirring up countless cakes and 
cookies and pies
This old pot cooked hundreds of
beef and pork roasts for our Sunday 
dinners.


     I'm trying, as I have been for 18 months, to focus on the present, not worry about the future, or dwell in the past. But today, I'm finding it difficult. The dressing will be seasoned with tears. 

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

The Tyranny of the To-Do List


Are you a slave to your to-do list?

     I am by nature a planner, an Enneatype 1(well-organized and purposeful). As with any personality type, the problems come when positive traits reign unchecked. Type 1s can easily become micromanagers.
     My list gave me a sense of control. I loved nothing better than marking off the items to give me a sense of accomplishment. But as my list grew and grew, it grew out of control. I adhered to it so rigidly that I couldn't be spontaneous in any activity. If I was invited to lunch on a day when I planned to work on my blog, I wouldn't go. My day was divided into a series of chores many of which were non-essential.
     For the first time in my life, I have very little that must be done on a particular day at a particular time. For a lister, this is a major adjustment. Of course, I have to keep appointments, but nothing says I have to go to yoga at noon. Nothing says I have to go to yoga at all. If I intended to clean my closet and don't finish, it can be done another day. Yet, I feel guilty and unproductive if I accomplish nothing. I am finding it difficult to go from a human-doing to a human-being.
     Joan Chittister in "The Gift of Years" says that freedom from the tyranny of a rigid schedule comes with wisdom and age–when we can finally step off the hamster wheel. But like any slave to habit, I'm afraid to take the step.
     This is a typical to-do list from several weeks ago:
This is my revised list:

1. Be more spontaneous.
2. Stop and smell the roses.
3. Stop measuring my worth by my accomplishments.
4. Learn to appreciate this season of life.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

The 4 Most Important Phrases You Will Ever Utter


I have reached the age where my contemporaries are dropping like flies, awakening all sorts of emotions within me—nostalgia, fear, and regret. 
Nostalgia goes beyond reminiscing. It is a longing for the past that can be crippling and prevent us from enjoying the present.
My fear is not so much of dying but of leaving so many things undone–so much left to do and so little time to do it. I still have songs to sing and poems to write and books to read and much to learn. 
My regrets are not so much over things I did but rather over things I didn't do. I regret  not having told some people how much they mean to me, what a difference they made in my life–Miss Carr, the fifth grade teacher who imparted such a love of reading, Keith Parker, the swim coach who taught me so much about competing, Dr. Palmer, the college professor who opened my mind to different ways of thinking. And now it's too late. As Whittier wrote in "Maude Muller" a poem that I memorized in high school English, "Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these it might have been."


Don't wait until it's too late to utter these four phrases.

      1.  I thank you.
      2.  I forgive you.
      3.  I am sorry.
      4.  I love you.